These fears might be unfounded. The majority of adopted children are in very good health, are engaged in school, live in safe neighborhoods, and exhibit positive social behaviors. Few women grow up wanting to be an adoptive mother. You’re probably seeing (or going to see) switches in behavior and motivation. Through experience and research, we have found that open adoption often brings the most positive outcomes to adopted children. We have witnessed beautiful relationships stem from those reunions. We want to assure you that, if you choose adoption, your child will have countless positive experiences. GET ACCESS TO ALL PREMIUM CONTENT WITH NO ADS FOR $4.99/MONTH Watch Later . Sending hugs, love, and support from Georgia. Still, you are worried about your child’s happiness and wonder how he or she will feel years down the road. You and Rachel and the hospital staff made this so easy for me and helped me in a situation I never thought I’d be able to go through. Adolescence is when children start to understand and explore who they are, where they came from, and their purpose in life. We have helped many adoptees find and contact their birth parents. In the event that your child has been adopted into a home where a biological child already exists, or a biological child arrives after the adoption, feelings of fear are not uncommon. 1. Having access to their genetic history allows children to know about any diseases or conditions that may run in their family. In the early ‘50s when I was adopted, little was known about the power of the bond between mother and child. I always get a giggle when people say I look more like my Dad. We weren’t abandoned; we were chosen. A multitude of issues may arise when children become aware that they have been adopted. The children in the foster care system have usually endured abuse and neglect and often express their feelings through behavior. As adopted children mature and try to understand their adoption, many will develop feelings of loss, grief, anger, or anxiety. Issues with attachment are common and are often a major contributing factor to the onset of mental health issues. Choosing an open adoption means giving your child an invaluable gift: a sense of self. They have a lot of sadness and depression about what that early separation from their birth family is. You guys have made my transition so easy and I am so happy with the parents you sent me. We provide comprehensive, confidential services to all members of the adoption triad, including counseling, legal support, home studies, and more. ", ©2021 kidsinthehouse.com. There comes a time in most adoptees’ lives when the inevitable, unbelievably unnecessary question announces itself: why was I given up? A child’s grief may be internalized as anxiety, depression, and/or guilt, or it may be externalized in acting-out behaviors that negatively affect day-to-day functioning and relationships. So no one ever thinks I was adopted. We have heard stories from adoptees who, as children, always looked for their birth families on the streets. - Christina, a birth mother at Adoptions With Love. A second emotion that I find is anger. When adoptees have good relationships with their adoptive and  birth families, they also tend to have higher self-esteem and self-worth. The urge for an adopted child to find their birth family is strong. Adoptive parents are caught in the paradox of helping their child understand what it means to be adopted while knowing that in the process, the child may feel rejected, sad, and hurt. When adoptive parents acknowledge their child’s emotions and provide an outlet for self-expression, adopted children typically fare well. A child's curiosity can be a signal for a parent. While we find open adoption to be very positive, we know that it is not right for everyone. Adoptees often want to know if they resemble their biological family in personality or physical traits. For over 34 years, Adoptions With Love has seen adoptions unfold. Project positive feelings about your abilities and confidence in your choices regardless of your child’s reaction, choose to enjoy these special moments together. This grief may also stir feelings of uncertainty. This loss can lead to feelings of rejection as they wonder why their birth moms gave them up for adoption. - Katrina, a birth mother who made a plan with Adoptions With Love. It was such a great visit and everything was very natural. They may feel as though they lost their birth parents, siblings, language, or culture. I’m not saying it’s not hard or that it’s easy for people to understand. Children in open adoptions do not have to question where they came from, what their biological parents look like, or wonder why they were placed for adoption. For example, if a birth family member contacted you and originally requested the reunion , you’ll likely have a range of feelings when you visit one another now, post-reunion .